Gracemount: What if Dirties were a prison escape movie?
At an early and Ungodly hour on a Sunday morning, whilst slumbering happily, my crime of being a fabulous dancer caught up with me as I was raided by the police who shouted: “You are under arrest Cameron Schoefield”. They then bundled me onto the Lothian Prison Transport system to head out to the infamous Gracemount Walled Jail of terror! (Insert Dramatic Music here)
Upon arrival with the other inmates (who appeared to be a merry band all arrested at the same time, going by the gang name of ‘The Dirties’), we were greeted by our super friendly prison guards who showed us our new home. We were then split up, with my group being locked in a walled courtyard. To this day, I still don’t know if the other group who were taken to a ‘forest’ survived.
To pass the time, some of our group started pulling up plants that could have been said to resemble weeds, from places that looked a bit like vegetable beds. But I knew I had to escape. This was no easy task, it would have been easier to escape Alcatraz like Clint Eastwood did once in that film about escaping from Alcatraz. So we dug. We dug like we have never dug before. Well, we dug like we dig most Sundays. We were cunning with where we hid the dirt, we formed things that looked conveniently like potato beds.
It worked! We fooled those pesky guards. We were out but the peril didn’t end there. They released a vicious band of small people to hunt us down, but we were too shrewd with our super-fast getaway! We timed it perfectly so there was only a 20-minute wait for the bus. This outsmarted the prison who had no idea there was a bus stop 5 minutes away!
We got back and holed up in a safe house made of beer and nachos until we were able to get fake identities, escape over the border and prove Nina Burrow’s innocence.
THE END!
P.S I hope you got the really lame and dull prison break references.
First weekend away in cold cold Scotland – complete with sleeping bags and campfires and lots and lots of dirt, and for a girl from an urban city in the tropics (think 30deg weather and insane levels of humidity) used to only camping in the heat, it was a prettyyyy great adventure.
I was lucky enough to be placed in Roy’s car (thank you Roy and Roy’s car for driving us there), with Ellie (the terrifying ghost climbing out from the television and scaring the shit out of me during Halloween) and Miguel (yay fellow first year!).
While hopeful for good traffic conditions, a looooong 3 hour journey was what we received. Crazy traffic through Glasgow was not fun.
What was fun, though, was the conversation in the car. Ellie shared about the many times she’d been to Kelburn Castle, and the incredible 20th bothy party (complete with couples who met in dirties and dirty babies! I think she mentioned dirty pets too), and how there weren’t any proper walls, only a roof and some plastic sheets at the sides attempting (and failing horrendously) to keep the wind and rain out.
Roy told us some stories too, but perhaps what was the most memorable was him and Ellie singing along to this song with lots of references to Scotland culture, and although I couldn’t understand any of the references (no really, not even one), or even make out some words because of the singer’s accent + the fast pace of the song, it was pretty great and entertaining and it was just very enjoyable to be in the car where the mood was just happy and high and everyone was just laughing 🙂
Miguel told us stories from home too, and him and Ellie shared childhood memories about this place (I’m so sorry I can’t remember the name of the town), and it was pretty cool that both of them had bits of their childhood there. Miguel also shared how his family used to go there so often that the shop keepers (the ice cream man, that I remember) would remember his family. It sounds like a lovely town, and I’m pretty sure it is.
I vaguely remember us coming to the topic of food, and I told them about this amazing dish from back home, called Chili Crab. It’s basically sir-fried mud crab served in a semi-thick, sweet and savoury tomato and chilli based sauce, accompanied by deep fried buns called mantous. I’m missing home and all the yummy food from home so badly just thinking about it.
Here’s a picture for you and I hope you guys think it looks as mouth-watering as it really is
We eventually got to Kelburn, and it was dark by then. Roy was just going really quickly in the small little country lanes, and I remember being quite terrified that he’d just crash into a car he didn’t see coming. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a safe and great driver, but dark small windy roads are pretty scary. To me, at least.
Cuz we were the first to get to the pavilion that we would stay in, we started to get dinner ready! Of course, not before a cup of tea and being amazed by how cute (omg fairy lights!) and pretty great (proper toilets! A kitchen! Proper walls!) this bothy was.
Dinner was made under the command of chef Ellie – dinner would’ve been rubbish without her. Roy put his entire head into the oven as we tried to figure out how to operate the gas stove, we eventually got it, but it took quite a bit of experimentation. Anyway, Miguel and I were soon rolling balls of mashed potato for gnocchi, and I have to say, it did kinda feel like we were machines after a while.
The others soon arrived on the minibus, and Rosie came into the kitchen to help us deliver the gnocchis to ultimate drowning death in boiling water. Cooking gnocchi was pretty great, and I particularly enjoying scooping up the cooked potato dumplings as they rose to the surface of the boiling water.
The rest set up their sleeping bags outside, and an apparently pretty intense game of card against humanity (thank you lizzie for the cards) took place.
Cards Against Humanity (Photo credits: Lizzie)
From the kitchen, we suddenly heard a bout of insane laughter, and Rosie (I think) came to report that dear Rudy (Rudy, of all people) had bought a kids sleeping bag.
Here’s Rudy trying and failing to squeeze into the sleeping bag
When the train people arrived, Nina went to get them (thank you Nina for driving the minibus), and dinner was served!!! Happy dirties and happy tummies 🙂
After dinner, we pretty much split up into separate groups. Some people decided to go out to play hide and seek, some chilled out with drinks, others chose to stay in to knit and read. I chose to go out to explore a little with Gyda and Emma, which was wonderful.
We walked around aimlessly around the estate, stopping by to see the castle, attempting to follow a path to a look out / picnic point that we never found, just walking and enjoying the night. The night sky was breathtaking – being in a pretty dark town with little light pollution, and blessed with clear skies, gave for a spectacular view of the stars in the sky. We attempted to point out constellations, but couldn’t do much except for the Big Dipper and Orion’s Belt. Gyda and I were lucky enough to see a shooting star too! It was a great walk.
Then it was back to the pavilion, and again, there were groups of people knitting, reading, drinking. Ale and Lizzie taught Miguel and I to knit, which went quite well I have to say. Also, I’m possibly the only person to have literally stabbed myself with a knitting needle, yes there was (it’s still there!) a hole in the palm of my hand, with the skin being taken out and a little bit of blood. How I managed that, I have no idea.
Look at how hard Miguel was concentrating on his knitting (Photo credits: Lizzie)
People started to get tired, and we all snuggled into our sleeping bags, and it was sleeeep, in preparation of our long day of work ahead.
