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As a PhD student, being asked to write something immediately provokes an incapacitating fear, leading to the adopting of the fetal position and sobbing quietly for several hours.

So thanks guys.

However the delirium was quite quickly overcome when I was told (repeatedly) I was not to write about my (lack of) research but instead about my first bothy. Which was infinitely more interesting. For many many, reasons.

So a quick introduction.

The bothy was at the Talamh Housing co-op near the village of Coalburn in South Lanarkshire. A never-before visited place by the Dirties. Shrouded in mystery and adventure, no one knew what to expect or what awaited us upon arrival.

Except food. They told us they were providing food. Mmmmm….food…

The co-op consisted of three main stone buildings and several caravans (as well as various other things scattered around the place). We were housed in the library, which had its own wood burner, a few books and enough amplifiers, instruments, cables and other electronics to host our own rock festival. There was even some (somewhat creepy) paper mache around too. There was enough floor space for sleeping bags, although one night I still managed to get kicked viciously on the head by Morna. Although “viciously” is a slight abuse of the poetic license.

There were several residents present at the same time as us. Xander was our man with the plan, while Ursula was the cook who didn’t need no book. That doesn’t really make sense – basically she was a great cook. Two other key players were Calvin the dog and Ginger the cat. Both of whom thoroughly enjoyed cuddles. Let’s just say we were all happy to oblige.

A couple of points on the food and drink front. Firstly, due to Cameron’s indecisive / my seizing of the initiative (i.e. me looking for any kind of excuse) we had 5 bottles of wine to drink between 7 of us over the weekend. Plus some brie. And some camembert. And a bag of Cadbury’s eclairs. Safe to say none made it back. Secondly, Ursula made some wild garlic pesto which was great with, well, everything. Especially the homemade hummus. It was quite potent though – but that was not going to stop us, even if it felt like garlic was coming out of our pores. As well as the hummus, the pesto paired very nicely with the Greek bean dish prepared for us on Friday night.

Work on Saturday initially involved (for Morna, Rosie, Amy and myself) working in the polytunnel clearing out dead plant debris, sifting soil and getting very warm while the wind and rain battered the outside. Would have really sucked to have been outside (which is coincidentally where John, Nina and Cameron were working). To keep ourselves occupied, some light bazinga playing was introduced – with “cuneiform” being the opener. Now be honest with yourself, did you just have to google that?

Saturday afternoon did involve being outside. Armed with spades and mattocks, we set about (Cameron far more furiously than others) creating a new potato field for the co-op. During the dig, many worms, two toads, some spiders and a millipede were, alas, disturbed from their day to day lives. The millipede discovery led to the surprising news that Cameron’s ideal world would involve giant millipedes living in harmony with humans, and they would ferry us around instead of cars. That would not be the last time giant millipedes were discussed at this bothy…not by a long way…

Even without giant millipedes to help us, by the end of the day we had completed the new potato field, including wind breaks made of turf on either side, making the accomplishment look like a trench. It was highly satisfying, being filled with both pride and comradery as we looked back at what we had created, taking a moment to reflect on our achievements.

Meanwhile Nina was still working. Whoops.

Food that night involved pasta with a tomato sauce, salad, cheese, wine and wild garlic pesto. If drooling please stop (or at least wipe).

That night the bothies (Cameron and Nina) proved their worth (if their hard work had previously not shown it). Somehow, some paper behind the burner in our sleeping area ignited and was burning with some vigour (next to paper mache and a pile of dry wood) before being discovered and abruptly extinguished by our hero and heroine. Disaster avoided, the night moved onto storytelling, which was slightly fuelled by wine (and by slightly, I mean the last remaining bottle was being passed around and swigged by the current story teller). And in this story there was – you guessed it – a giant millipede. Named Marigold. Who went on an adventure with centipede Steve and red squirrel Richard. Like any true Hollywood story, the main plot was a bit thin but the action was INTENSE. Like oh my god intense. With Richard being killed off and homogenised, encounters with rapping dwarves and magic tree bling, I will be surprised if the movie version doesn’t get released as a rival to the next Marvel film. SPOILER ALERT: Even Marigold died yet was subsequently brought back to life in one of many crazy plot twists (he was sliced in half by Aragorn, who went off with Gimli and Steve –housed in Gimli’s beard – to see the universe. Did I mention the wine?).

Sunday involved coffee.

It also involved moving large chunks of tree trunks over boggy ground. This was followed by giving up and moving onto clearing willow brash and slamming in fence posts.

Before saying our goodbyes to Xander, Calvin and Ginger, we took the opportunity to get a band photo. Field diggers, wine drinkers, pesto consumers, musicians and story tellers – indeed the group was incredibly talented and destined for great things.

And at that, the group headed back to Edinburgh to enjoy a nice pint, some Hoose food and a well-deserved sleep – with dreams of giant millipedes running through fields of wild garlic…

Thanks Roy!

Here’s some very late photos….Thanks Cameron!