Recipe for an Amazing Saturday (Dirties style)
Serves:
Preparation time: 24 hours.
Ingredients:
-Dirties
-Buckets
-Sturdy shoes
-Mud
-Shovels
-Axes
-Saws
-Pickaxes
-Food (lots of it)
-Firewood
-Someone who knows how to start a fire
-Rhododendron that is in the way
-Some posh people shooting pheasants
-Gravel
-Logs
-Lord Glasgow’s estate
Method:
- Start off by preparing your ingredients for the day. Wake the dirties up at an ungodly hour (If it’s still dark, it’s ungodly.) The promise of food should draw them out of their sleeping bags and get them ready to work.
- Feed the dirties porridge, bread with peanut butter, and popping candy chocolate spread. Most importantly, make sure there is a supply of tea, coffee and hot chocolate.
- At 9:00 am, have everyone meet outside and await further instruction from the estate rangers. (It is acceptable for some of the dirties to go exploring and find a swing tied to a tree.)
When the rangers arrive, begin the 30 minute climb up to where the dirties will be working. The climb will be worth it because the estate is beautiful. Split up into two groups so all the work gets done. The first group will work out their guns by hauling buckets of gravel up and down the hill to make paths. The second group will trudge through some mud and make ditches for runoff water. There may also be some tree-climbing involved. Do not forget to take a snack break. - When everyone is hungry and tired, dig through the mud some more. This is because some rich people will be shooting pheasants and you can’t go back down the path until they stop. Plus, if the dirties keep working they’ll appreciate their lunch more.
- When the rangers say you can go, walk down the hill and start making dirties-style sandwiches for lunch (hummus, vegetables, relish, cheese, bread). Also have cookies and leftover cake for dessert. Some nice people will also volunteer some potato-leek soup.
- At 3:00 pm, start working again. Take 15 minutes to bring some firewood to the pit in preparation for the bonfire you’ll have in the evening. Give everyone some saws and axes and let them expel all their stress by aggressively bringing down some rhododendron.
- When it starts getting dark (so 4:00 pm), have everyone stop working and go back inside. At this point one, a small group will begin to make dinner, another will go to the supermarket to get some marshmallows, and the others will go off and do whatever they want.
- When dinner is ready (lasagna), serve it to everyone. Afterwards, everyone will slowly start moving to the bonfire which has already been lit.
- When everyone is around the fire, start roasting some marshmallows and sausages. Eventually everyone will start singing campfire songs (and Bohemian Rhapsody), because they can.
- After a few hours by the fire, it’ll be time to go back inside and wind down before bed. The fire will have warmed everyone up and they’ll fall asleep faster than they did the night before.
When your Saturday is complete, you’ll know because everyone will have a distinctly happy/tired/warm feeling.