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Gracemount Walled Garden – 14/02/16

Gracemount: What if Dirties were a prison escape movie?

At an early and Ungodly hour on a Sunday morning, whilst slumbering happily, my crime of being a fabulous dancer caught up with me as I was raided by the police who shouted: “You are under arrest Cameron Schoefield”. They then bundled me onto the Lothian Prison Transport system to head out to the infamous Gracemount Walled Jail of terror! (Insert Dramatic Music here)

Upon arrival with the other inmates (who appeared to be a merry band all arrested at the same time, going by the gang name of ‘The Dirties’), we were greeted by our super friendly prison guards who showed us our new home. We were then split up, with my group being locked in a walled courtyard. To this day, I still don’t know if the other group who were taken to a ‘forest’ survived.

To pass the time, some of our group started pulling up plants that could have been said to resemble weeds, from places that looked a bit like vegetable beds. But I knew I had to escape. This was no easy task, it would have been easier to escape Alcatraz like Clint Eastwood did once in that film about escaping from Alcatraz. So we dug. We dug like we have never dug before. Well, we dug like we dig most Sundays. We were cunning with where we hid the dirt, we formed things that looked conveniently like potato beds.

It worked! We fooled those pesky guards. We were out but the peril didn’t end there. They released a vicious band of small people to hunt us down, but we were too shrewd with our super-fast getaway! We timed it perfectly so there was only a 20-minute wait for the bus. This outsmarted the prison who had no idea there was a bus stop 5 minutes away!

We got back and holed up in a safe house made of beer and nachos until we were able to get fake identities, escape over the border and prove Nina Burrow’s innocence.

THE END!

P.S I hope you got the really lame and dull prison break references.

  • Cameron “The President” Fox-Clarke
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Kelburn Castle Bothy Report – Saturday

Recipe for an Amazing Saturday (Dirties style)

Serves:
Preparation time: 24 hours.
Ingredients:

-Dirties
-Buckets
-Sturdy shoes
-Mud
-Shovels
-Axes
-Saws
-Pickaxes
-Food (lots of it)
-Firewood
-Someone who knows how to start a fire
-Rhododendron that is in the way
-Some posh people shooting pheasants
-Gravel
-Logs
-Lord Glasgow’s estate

Method:

  1. Start off by preparing your ingredients for the day. Wake the dirties up at an ungodly hour (If it’s still dark, it’s ungodly.) The promise of food should draw them out of their sleeping bags and get them ready to work.
  2. Feed the dirties porridge, bread with peanut butter, and popping candy chocolate spread. Most importantly, make sure there is a supply of tea, coffee and hot chocolate.
  3. At 9:00 am, have everyone meet outside and await further instruction from the estate rangers. (It is acceptable for some of the dirties to go exploring and find a swing tied to a tree.)
    When the rangers arrive, begin the 30 minute climb up to where the dirties will be working. The climb will be worth it because the estate is beautiful. Split up into two groups so all the work gets done. The first group will work out their guns by hauling buckets of gravel up and down the hill to make paths. The second group will trudge through some mud and make ditches for runoff water. There may also be some tree-climbing involved. Do not forget to take a snack break.
  4. When everyone is hungry and tired, dig through the mud some more. This is because some rich people will be shooting pheasants and you can’t go back down the path until they stop. Plus, if the dirties keep working they’ll appreciate their lunch more.
  5. When the rangers say you can go, walk down the hill and start making dirties-style sandwiches for lunch (hummus, vegetables, relish, cheese, bread). Also have cookies and leftover cake for dessert. Some nice people will also volunteer some potato-leek soup.
  6. At 3:00 pm, start working again. Take 15 minutes to bring some firewood to the pit in preparation for the bonfire you’ll have in the evening. Give everyone some saws and axes and let them expel all their stress by aggressively bringing down some rhododendron.
  7. When it starts getting dark (so 4:00 pm), have everyone stop working and go back inside. At this point one, a small group will begin to make dinner, another will go to the supermarket to get some marshmallows, and the others will go off and do whatever they want.
  8. When dinner is ready (lasagna), serve it to everyone. Afterwards, everyone will slowly start moving to the bonfire which has already been lit.
  9. When everyone is around the fire, start roasting some marshmallows and sausages. Eventually everyone will start singing campfire songs (and Bohemian Rhapsody), because they can.
  10. After a few hours by the fire, it’ll be time to go back inside and wind down before bed. The fire will have warmed everyone up and they’ll fall asleep faster than they did the night before.
    When your Saturday is complete, you’ll know because everyone will have a distinctly happy/tired/warm feeling.
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Laurieston Hall Bothy

Our first bothy of 2014 was a great success!

We spent 2 nights at the impressive Laurieston Hall, just outside of Castle Douglas (website here). We lucked out with the weather – seeing very little rain! The surrounding landscape was stunning, with a great variety of plants and animals, including red kites, otter and foxes.

Plenty jobs kept us occupied during the day, including bramble bashing, log cutting/moving, fire building, coppicing and more, while the rest of our time was spent eating great meals, reading, walking, photography, games, playing with Jason the cat or enjoying the sauna! We all managed to get back safely, slightly knackered from the hard work and bus travel, but satisfied with the weekend.

Special thanks to Alyssa & James – our bothy coordinators -who did a great job organizing the trip for us, Eluned for driving the minibus, and everyone else involved in helping (foodies, tools, president etc.).

Full Gallery Here! – If you have any photos from the bothy, feel free to send me them (at [email protected] or on facebook) if you want them posted up here.